


I Found

by Mickeyokaela



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Amber Run, Angst, I Found, I'm going to go cry, M/M, Sad, Songfic, This is pure angst, after s3e14, i don't know how to tag, if you enjoy fluff don't read this, why is this song so perfect for this couple, you will cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-24 01:43:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9694292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mickeyokaela/pseuds/Mickeyokaela
Summary: This Is a song fic based off the song I found my Amber Run.It takes places after episode 14 of season 3 and is basically shows what Ed's feeling.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [I Found](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9734264) by [sylviadusihan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sylviadusihan/pseuds/sylviadusihan)



And I'll use you as a warning sign  
That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind

 

The gun went off, there was a split second when I pulled him closer by his tie before pushing him back and into the water.   
I stood and watched as he sank and as the grey water around him turned crimson with his blood. 

That should’ve been it - Oswald Cobblepot was dead and Isabella was avenged.

I stood at the docks until it got dark and until the rain had made it impossible for me to see out my glasses.I stood there until my suit was soaked from the rain and until I was chilled to the bone from the cold. 

My mind was numb when I finally turned away from the water and started to walk.  
The pride I should have been feeling at defeating the Penguin and avenging my love was absent, all I felt was that I was trapped between sleep and conciseness. 

 

And I'll use you as a focal point  
So I don't lose sight of what I want

 

“I’m not sure why I’m here” I spoke to the water, as I sat down on the edge of the harbour. It had been two days since the death of the Penguin and the public has started to grow anxious for their missing mayor.   
“Perhaps finding closure for the death of a friend will enable me to finally enjoy my revenge.”  
The rain still hadn’t stopped in Gotham and the sound of it hitting my umbrella held over my head was almost calming for the situation.   
“Because you were my friend Oswald” The image of Oswald visiting me in Arkham flashed through my mind as I push my glasses up my head to press my fists into my eyes. 

“But what you did to Isabella was unforgivable!” anger seeps into my voice as I stand up, the umbrella falling to my side and the rain starting to fall against me.  
“Why did you have to be so selfish?!” I yell at the water as the umbrella slips out of my hands. “She was my second chance at love and you killed her!” I blinked back tears as a sudden burst of wind flew past me sweeping my umbrella away and into the water.

The anger in me slipped away as I watched the umbrella float away in the water, I didn’t notice when my tears started to fall freely down my face.

 

And I've moved further than I thought I could  
But I missed you more than I thought I would 

 

It was two weeks after Oswald’s death and four more visits to the harbour when he showed up.  
My mind was slow from tiredness as I first noticed the blurred figure in the corner of my dark room. I reached over for my glasses, the tiredness not affecting me as before (I had been unable to sleep more than four hours at night in the two weeks of Oswald’s absence).   
I got out of bed to face the still, ghostly, figure of Oswald standing in the corner of my room; he still wore the same clothes from the last time I saw him and his usually pale skin was deathly white. His pale blue eyes looked grey in the darkness as he watched me with a blank expression.

“Why are you here?” the figure of Oswald my mind had created stayed quiet as I walked closer towards him. “You-He deserved to die” I meant to say the words more harshly but I stuttered as I spoke.

“I don’t regret killing you” I now stood a foot away from the figure, its pale blue eyes gazing into eyes without a hint of emotion. The figure of Oswald turned its head away from me, staring blanking at my bed as I reached out a hand to touch its check.   
My hand fell against nothing as the figure vanished and I was once again left alone in the dark room.

“But I do miss you.” 

 

And I'll use you as a warning sign  
That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind

 

The figure of Oswald showed up again the next night, and the night after that, and then the next night after that. He would never say anything, just stand in the corner of the dark room and observe me until I eventually did something to send it away. 

I started to wonder if I actually dreaded the moments when Oswald would show up or I lived for them.

I picked at the white bandages on my hand, which were placed there to cover the wounds on my knuckles I created last night.   
I had punched the mirror, causing my reflection to shatter into pieces as Oswald watched on from outside the bathroom.  
My feelings last night had become too much; the feelings of dread, of confusion, regret, love. The pain of my hand kept those feelings at bay until I turned around to see Oswald was gone again. 

Then I realised the pain in my heart outweighed any physical pain I could ever endure. 

 

And I found love where it wasn't supposed to be  
Right in front of me  
Talk some sense to me

 

Tears fell freely down my cheeks and sobs tore through my body as I held the small paper penguin to my chest. I sat on the floor, my back pressed against the side of my bed as sobs broke the silence of the night. Choked and broken versions of ‘Oswald’ kept falling from my lips along with cries of agony.

I hadn’t slept more than five hours that week, each time I fell asleep I'd dream of the first time I meet Oswald; one minute we’d be in the Gotham City Police Department and I would be telling him a fact about penguins and then the next moment, a gun would go off in my hand and I’d be pushing Oswald into the harbour.

Black shoes came into my blurred vision and I looked up to see Oswald staring down at me, his face a void of emotion.  
A sob racked through me as I clutched the small penguin to my chest harder.  
“Os, I’m…I can’t...Please, Os I’m so-“ another sob stopped me mid-sentence as I looked down, squeezing my eyes shut and trying to control my breathing before looking back at Oswald.

“You were right…I can’t do this without you - I regret everything I did and I just wish you were…” I looked away from Oswald to the small penguin, my tears slowly falling onto the paper origami.  
“I miss you so much, Oswald.”  
I look back up to Oswald to see him still staring at me blankly before he slowly started to talk. The sound of Oswald’s voice after so long caused me so much pain but still brought a sad smile to my face.

“I can bring tears to your eyes and resurrect the dead. I form in an instance and last a lifetime. What am I?” 

He finished the riddle I had told the real Oswald so long ago and then he was gone. And I was left alone, with the thought that thanks to me, Oswald was only memories now. 

 

And I'll use you as a makeshift gauge  
Of how much to give and how much to take

 

The figure of Oswald hadn’t come back after that night, and I'm only now starting to realises how much I depended on those late nights when I could finally see Oswald again.

The thought of how I never reacted this badly to death of Isabella keeps finding its way into my mind. I don't know the answer, her death was hard but I could have moved on, with the help of Oswald. If I hadn't found out about the murder. 

I hardly think about Isabella anymore, whenever I do my thoughts drift to Oswald.  
I feel so indifferent about her death now that I can’t image how I would pull the trigger on her murderer again. 

Oswald’s death was different - Oswald’s death destroyed me and I don’t know why.

 

Oh I'll use you as a warning sign  
That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind

 

“They stopped the search for you, which I believe is very poor effort seeing as you were their mayor. But then, this is Gotham we live in” I tell the water.  
It’s been four weeks since Oswald’s death and five days since the figure of Oswald disappeared and once again I have found my way back to the docks.  
“I don’t think Detective Gordon has stopped looking for you but Jim’s always been the white knight of Gotham.”  
I look down for a moment and remove my glasses before I run one of my hands over my eyes. 

“At first I thought if I got closure I would be able to enjoy the effects of my revenge but…” I place my glasses back on and turn back to face the water. “I could never enjoy your death, Oswald. You were my best friend, my only friend and I never realised how much you did for me…How much I depended on you Until you were gone.”

Standing up I place the bunch of lilies I had brought on the wooden pier, near the water. “You always said lilies were your mum’s favourite so I thought they would be appropriate,” I spoke as I leant back up to view the water.

“I wish I never went to pick up a bottle of wine, we had plenty of wine at the mansion, we didn't need more! If I hadn’t this would never have happened and you’d still be alive.” I choked on the last word as I looked out as the sun set over the water.

Tears ran down my face as I spoke again, “What always comes too late?”  
Regret, I think as I turn and walk away from the water. 

 

Oh and I found love where it wasn't supposed to be  
Right in front of me  
Talk some sense to me

 

The figure of Oswald had come back that night, standing slightly in the corner of the room as I sat on my bed.  
“I went and visited you again today” I turn to see if he would show any emotion but he just stared blankly at me. “I visit you a lot.”  
Tears started to well in my eyes and the flames of anger started to ignite in me.   
“Why do you never talk?” I ordered as I stood, turning to face the image of my dead friend.  
“You’ve done It before! I know you can speak!” I yell as I kick over the chair at my desk before pushing all the objects on top of my desk to the floor. Anger and regret filled me as tears fell down my face.

I kicked at the bed and threw objects across the room - I kicked and scream and punched the wall, leaving a crimson blood stain on the ivory paint.

Oswald watched the events with a blank expression, not even flinching has I pulled out my pocket knife and brought it down on the pillow over and over again before flinging it at the wall. 

He stayed silent as I cried out in anguish and stepped on the paper penguin which had once lived on my night stain. He stayed still has I knocked over furniture and broke my possessions. 

His eyes stayed emotionless as I finally fell to the ground, my head in my hands and broken sobs escaping my mouth. As my whole body trembled and as I felt my world crash around me.

“Please” I pleaded looking up to find he had walked over and now stood over me “Please, answer me.” My head dropped and the figure of Oswald kneeled next to me as I opening cried in the dark room. 

 

And I found love where it wasn't supposed to be  
Right in front of me  
Talk some sense to me

 

“I love you Oswald”  
“I know”  
“Please don’t leave me again”  
I raised my head to look at him, he was gone.


End file.
